Mr Nice Guy No More

Probably I've been too much of a nice guy at home.  And I thought I could be really patient given all that I've withstand for the past 20+ years.

Today's the tipping point.  For one hour, I remained calm.  He would walk up and down, left and right, pointing his fingers, raising his voice and make unreasonably accusation but I simply sat down - listening patiently.  He went on and on till I thought he would have said all there's to be sat.

Then it broke when finally he hit on a raw nerve.  He finally voiced his dismay at how I have used his money and wasted it on studies when it could have been used to support family.  Of all people, it turns out my own father denounces my hardwork, my very presence.  One word: incorrigible.

From now on, no more nice guy.  It's time I let him have a taste of his own medicine.  It's gonna get pretty ugly and this post shall simply mark the beginnging of it all.

Live Positively. Live Actively (Part IV)

25 Ideas at Home

1. If you have use of a swimming pool, do some lengths or dive.
2. Wash your pet.
3. Plant a small garden.
4. Dedicate less than 2 hours a day to television and videogames.
5. Stretch before and after sleeping.
6. Do some gardening, or tend your houseplants.
7. Make household chores fun.
8. Walk up and down stairs.
9. Try to make your games active.
10. Hide things and play treasure hunt with your children.
11. Pedal on an exercise bike with you read a book.
12. Tidy your cupboards or that old chest.
13. Put on music, sing and dance.
14. Get up an hour earlier to do physical exercise at home or go running.
15. Do sit-ups.
16. Forget about the remote control and get up to change channels.
17. Do flexibility exercises.
18. Go for a walk after lunch or dinner.
19. Play hide and seek with your children in the house.
20. Clean out the storage room or garage.
21. Get a Pilates ball and do exercises with it.
22. Make a date with your neighbours to go for a walk or play in the park.
23. Re-decorate your home.
24. Paint the walls or doors yourself.
25. If your have space, create your own gym.

Live Positively. Live Actively (Part III)

25 Ideas for Your Free Time

1. Go roller-skating.
2. Jog through the park.
3. Spend the day in the country with your family.
4. Take a walk with your grandparents.
5. Go for a bike ride with the kids.
6. Sign up for dance classes.
7. Teach your children traditional games, the one you used to play and play with them.
8. Go out to buy bread or newspaper on foot.
9. Walk to the supermarket a few times a week.
10. Go for walks around your city and get to know its streets and history.
11. Walk instead of taking the car.
12. Travel by skateboard.
13. Walk the dog.
14. Use children's parks and parks for adult.
15. Organise an adventure trip.
16. Use sport facilities.
17. Go to museums, to the zoo, to the botanic garden, etc.
18. Sign up for a sport, get in the habit.
19. Go and have a walk in the country.
20. Look for a public swimming pool and do aquatic sports.
21. Dance to your favourite songs when you go out at night.
22. Add music to any physical activity you do.
23. Play paddleball, tennis, badminton, tennis beach or any other racket game.
24. Build sand castles.
25. When you visit another city, travel by foot.

Live Positively. Live Actively (Part I)

25 Ideas for the Workplace

1. Get off the bus one stop early and walk the rest of the way to your destination.
2. Park a little further away from the door.
3. Go by bike in your city or town.
4. Take the stairs instead of the lift.
5. Get up to get your coffee instead of having someone bring it to you.
6. Use an anti-stress ball to move your hands.
7. Change positive every 20 minutes.
8. Hold meetings with colleagues standing up.
9. Get up and walk while talking on the phone.  Have meetings with one or two colleagues that are "walking meetings".
10. Send fewer emails and visit your colleagues' desk more.
11. Take a walk with your colleagues during lunch-time.  Walk down to the nearest restaurant and be active at midday.
12. Stretch your legs, rotate your ankles and contract and stretch your feet while you are seated.
13. Do neck and shoulder exercises when you're at the computer.
14. For your back, move your spine forward, backward and to the sides.
15. Raise your knees when you are sitting down.
16. Rest your forearms on the table and raise your body, without getting up.
17. Relax your eyes by first looking at something close and then at something far away.  Repeat this 5 times.
18. Contract your abdomen for a few seconds once in a while - it will help you maintain better posture.
19. Change position and weight of your feet if you work standing up.
20. Walk around the office or hallway while a large file is downloading.
21. Clean out your office files and cupboards once every three months.
22. Arrange your workspace so that you have more freedom of movement.
23. Organise an internal sports tournament for Christmas.
24. Form a team with colleagues to play a sport.
25. Form a free time activities group with your workmates.

Social Class

My day started off by attending a talk with JD on autism. It’s an unfortunate psychological disorder that afflicts people whom I incidentally come across constantly in my field of work. The talk got me pondering a lot afterwards, especially on the specific tools and techniques to better communicate with them.

Then it was time for the BBQ. Ever since I graduated, it’s been two years since us schoolmates met. They used to be a bunch I’m closer with but last night’s interaction felt extremely remote and uncomfortable. The main theme of most dialogues circled around a societal standard – the 5 Cs.

Discussions included the specific stocks to buy, the type of property to own, the best jobs with the best paycheck and even the kinds of girlfriends to woo (among the guys of course), all of which I was barely participative. I was overtly busy with eating and covertly in distaste. Interestingly, a couple whom were getting married was not even in the conversation.

After a fair share of food and catching up, I was off heading to meet JD with a sigh of relief. Perhaps it’s in the chronological sequence of the day’s events – one material and the other immaterial, or perhaps it’s in my inadequacy to become absorbed in the unfortunate mundane of this malevolent fast-paced economy, I am not quite looking forward to their next gathering.

A Paradigm Shift

Ever since JD shifted department into a new working environment, I’ve been seeing so much more smiles on his face. He’s now so much happier each day as he goes to work that I’m too feeling his renewed enthusiasm and energy in his work. Nowadays, seeing JD’s smile first thing in the morning simply brightens up my day.

I think in Singapore especially, where the teachings of meritocracy is deeply rooted, work becomes essentially central to one’s identity. It is a manifested persona on the societal fabric which derives most of its characteristics from the nature of the job. Hence, there is such inevitable emphasis and persistence on seemingly unimportant details such as one’s job title.

With such huge predominance therefore comes the symbiotic relationship between work and life. With a quality as intangible as emotional well-being, satisfaction derived from one’s job suddenly turns it tangible and a formula of correlation becomes obvious. The eight hours worth of emotional and physical contribution each day is simply too significant to diminish.

Nonetheless, as significant as it might seem, the forces that drive happiness are more than one and that’s another thought for another time. For now, JD’s happy and therefore I’m happy. It’s not yet a perfect equation but I guess that’s just what love is all about.

Back to School

And so my course' starts this week while JD's follows next. After a couple of years of academic stagnancy, it's time to hit the books again.

It does seem like a huge chunk of burden to add studies into our timetable but I guess after some getting used to, most problems will iron out.

Mini-Concert Countdown

7 days to the concert and I'm still trying hard to memorise the lyrics (it can be quite confusing). But still, it's such a beautiful piece. I hope I can bring that across.

Anti-Cold

I still can't believe that with such horridly warm weather I could have came down with a cold once more over the weekends, marking the 3rd time this year.

Starting from today, I shall start on a Vitamin C supplement routine. It's about time I put a stop to it once and for all (hopefully).

Suck Up

“In tough times, more suck up to the boss”. This article from today’s My Paper somewhat provides an explanation.

At first, this young colleague of mine was producing promising results on the closing reports. He was professional, eloquent and more importantly genuinely enthusiastic in his work. Only a couple months into the job, he has already gotten a few senior staff singing his praises.

Of late, his movement starts displaying signs of ingratiation. Not that I bother to notice, it’s just that I so happen sit outside my boss’s office. His selection of words, the packaging of sentences, the body language and the effort made to walk some 20 metres across the room to reach here simply irks me.

In modern workplace, I don’t deny that some effort is at least needed to PR with your boss. He or she ultimately decides your fate in the company. But what disgusts me is when the person overdoes it to the point of obvious differential personality.

“It becomes a mentality of ‘I not only want to do a good job, but I want to be seen as doing a good job’.”

An Old Friend

I was on my way to work this morning taking the same path everyday to reach my bus stop. I took notice of a lady from afar dressed in casual red. She was seated on a porch by the void deck which was usually vacant most part of time.

As I was about to pass her by with hurried foot steps, I caught a quick glance of her face and find it oddly familiar. She looked very young but the features on her face were distorted - signs of facial paresis. I halted to take a closer look.

**********

When I was about 7 years old, I had quite a few playmates from around the neighbourhood. Almost everyday after school, we would gather at the playground to do what we do best - hide-and-seek.

One of the closest I've got in the gang were three siblings, one brother and two elder sisters, who lived a couple floors above with their grandmother. 4 years later one day, they moved suddenly and I never saw them again.

That very day, their parents had yet another huge quarrel. They had been quarrelling almost everyday but this time they were on the brink of divorce. In frustration and anguish, the elder sister threw herself head-first over the window.

The plunge did not take her life. She recovered eventually from her injury but the damage to her brain was irreversible. She became permanently impaired in her speech and psychomotor movement with paresis to her face and limbs.

15 years later, her divorced mother decided that her disability was too huge a burden to carry. She was forced to move back to her grandmother's place, back to where it was a couple of floors above mine.

**********

I recognise her.

Getting to Know Myself Better

Your view on yourself:
You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you meet that person.

The seriousness of your love:
You have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.

Your views on education:
Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:
You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success.

How do you view success:
You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying. What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you.

Who is your true self:
You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

Thanks Hao for the link: http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx

Temporarily Incapacitated

It's been JD and work non-stop ever since the start of 2009 until finally this crippling ailment came about 3 days ago. The doc says it could be due to stress at work and hence I'll need lotsa rest and fluids.

With a couple days worth of MC prescribed, it's quite a nice feeling to be staying home on a weekday (minus the debilitating pain!)

GR 6530 U

Less of a flair for our 2nd anniversary but nonetheless it was a prelude to bigger things to come.

It was a harbinger of freedom and yet with burden intertwined that we will come to embrace come April. Freedom because we can go places we've never been before. Burden because I've just gotten my first parking fine of a lifetime - $30, yikes!

Deeply Touched

JD just sent me a short email with mere two paragraphs worth of text. Somehow, it touched my heart and made me tear in the midst of all the commotion in the office.

Thank you JD.

Exposure

As of three hours ago, the number of straights whom know of my sexual orientation just rose 3 points to 4. It seems like a puny number, but yet it feels to me like a big step forward towards gaining acceptance.

"Coming out of the closet", as people would call it is a gradual process. The Cass Identity Model described the entire process to exist in six stages. And the key transitional state is coming-out with oneself. Some people start it young, some later in life and of course there are others whom never will.

There has been so much controversy so to whether coming out is a must-go destination for every LGBT, and arguments to both sides have their merits. I think there may be an in-between: to be both inside and outside at the same time. That way, you live your life to the fullest.

Thinking or Feeling?

I once came across a study by Swiss psychiatrist Carl G. Jung who developed psychological type to explain the normal differences between people. He concluded that differences in behaviour result from people’s inborn tendencies to use their minds in different ways. As people act on these tendencies, they develop patterns of behaviour.

One aspect of Jung’s theory defined the process and mechanics of decision-making which exists in opposite (thinking and feeling). Depending on the pathway chosen, the conclusions arrived upon can be drastically different among individuals.

This study resurfaced this morning at work and two sentences caught my attention:

People who prefer to use Thinking in decision-making want to mentally remove themselves from the situation to examine the pros and cons objectively, hence "fair" amounts to everyone being treated equally.

People who prefer to use Feeling in decision-making mentally place themselves into the situation to identify with everyone so they can make decisions based on their values about honouring people, hence "fair" amounts to everyone being treated as an individual.

According to Jung, there is no right or wrong for a given psychological preference but to me it does shed some light as to why JD and I often arrive at totally dissimilar decisions for a given situation.

Lens Upgrade

JD's clumsiness wreaked his Nikon kit lens but in the process surprisingly landed him a far more superior setup.

With the new AF-S DX NIKKOR 16-85mm f/3.5-5.6G ED VR lens in placed, I foresee us vying for the DSLR on our next shooting excursion.

Burden Self-Inflicted

Perhaps it was because I had an income, I began to take interest in the micro-management of my family matters during army days. From processes, infrastructure to finances, I started to assume some responsibilities.

Now that I've a larger pay check compared to army days, I progressively become more proactive and will readily devote a large portion of it towards upgrading the standard of living of the family as a whole. I feel that it is necessary because it helps to bring everyone together, keep their daily expenses in check and improve their quality of life.

Then JD made some very interesting observations:

1. Why am I the only person footing the bills when nearly every family member has an income?
   
2. Why am I the only person assuming responsibility if it is truly necessary?
   
3. Exactly how proactive are they towards following through the processes you've laid down?
   
4. Do they even appreciate what you are doing?
5. Last but not least, will they do the same for you without being told?

Well, it seems like the selfless part of me needs some gentle reminders from the selfish part of JD.

4D3N

It's been quite a while since I last wrote an entry. So much has happened this whole time that it's hard to put in words. Life relentlessly throws challenges at you, and besides lamenting, all you can do is to brave it through one at a time.

Mid last month, JD and I managed to sneak 4 days worth for ourselves (thanks to public holiday). I have yet to receive all the photos from him, but a diagram would basically sum up what we had decided to do with that amount of time.