Deeply Touched

JD just sent me a short email with mere two paragraphs worth of text. Somehow, it touched my heart and made me tear in the midst of all the commotion in the office.

Thank you JD.

Exposure

As of three hours ago, the number of straights whom know of my sexual orientation just rose 3 points to 4. It seems like a puny number, but yet it feels to me like a big step forward towards gaining acceptance.

"Coming out of the closet", as people would call it is a gradual process. The Cass Identity Model described the entire process to exist in six stages. And the key transitional state is coming-out with oneself. Some people start it young, some later in life and of course there are others whom never will.

There has been so much controversy so to whether coming out is a must-go destination for every LGBT, and arguments to both sides have their merits. I think there may be an in-between: to be both inside and outside at the same time. That way, you live your life to the fullest.

Thinking or Feeling?

I once came across a study by Swiss psychiatrist Carl G. Jung who developed psychological type to explain the normal differences between people. He concluded that differences in behaviour result from people’s inborn tendencies to use their minds in different ways. As people act on these tendencies, they develop patterns of behaviour.

One aspect of Jung’s theory defined the process and mechanics of decision-making which exists in opposite (thinking and feeling). Depending on the pathway chosen, the conclusions arrived upon can be drastically different among individuals.

This study resurfaced this morning at work and two sentences caught my attention:

People who prefer to use Thinking in decision-making want to mentally remove themselves from the situation to examine the pros and cons objectively, hence "fair" amounts to everyone being treated equally.

People who prefer to use Feeling in decision-making mentally place themselves into the situation to identify with everyone so they can make decisions based on their values about honouring people, hence "fair" amounts to everyone being treated as an individual.

According to Jung, there is no right or wrong for a given psychological preference but to me it does shed some light as to why JD and I often arrive at totally dissimilar decisions for a given situation.

Lens Upgrade

JD's clumsiness wreaked his Nikon kit lens but in the process surprisingly landed him a far more superior setup.

With the new AF-S DX NIKKOR 16-85mm f/3.5-5.6G ED VR lens in placed, I foresee us vying for the DSLR on our next shooting excursion.

Burden Self-Inflicted

Perhaps it was because I had an income, I began to take interest in the micro-management of my family matters during army days. From processes, infrastructure to finances, I started to assume some responsibilities.

Now that I've a larger pay check compared to army days, I progressively become more proactive and will readily devote a large portion of it towards upgrading the standard of living of the family as a whole. I feel that it is necessary because it helps to bring everyone together, keep their daily expenses in check and improve their quality of life.

Then JD made some very interesting observations:

1. Why am I the only person footing the bills when nearly every family member has an income?
   
2. Why am I the only person assuming responsibility if it is truly necessary?
   
3. Exactly how proactive are they towards following through the processes you've laid down?
   
4. Do they even appreciate what you are doing?
5. Last but not least, will they do the same for you without being told?

Well, it seems like the selfless part of me needs some gentle reminders from the selfish part of JD.

4D3N

It's been quite a while since I last wrote an entry. So much has happened this whole time that it's hard to put in words. Life relentlessly throws challenges at you, and besides lamenting, all you can do is to brave it through one at a time.

Mid last month, JD and I managed to sneak 4 days worth for ourselves (thanks to public holiday). I have yet to receive all the photos from him, but a diagram would basically sum up what we had decided to do with that amount of time.

Worried

05:00 Woke up for the 3rd time to check my phone but still no replies from JD. Been trying to call him since over 5 hours ago. Did something happened to him?

06:10 Still no replies. Perhaps there's some problem with my phone. Tried messaging myself and calling myself. Works fine.

06:30 Decided to call him again, but no answer. Can't sleep anymore, so might as well head to work.

08:20 I'm extremely early for work, feeling sleepy. Then it struck me, he didn't sleep the night before. "Kevin, you're darn darn foolish... He chose mahjong which in turn chose sleep over you".

New Gadgets

I just got a bad scolding from my Dad for being late for dinner. But all that is fine because I managed to accompany JD to the PC Show 2008 where he got himself a set of 2.1 stereo sound speakers, an AIO photo printer and an ultra value-for-money notebook PC which he's been eyeing for quite some time. I can see he's extremely happy. I'm gonna give him a call now, and I bet $100 (with myself) that he's playing with his new laptop already.

Waiting To See Him

Waiting is such a terrible thing to make one do. You can wait several hours but the other person has no inkling the torture you're going through. I remember last September I had a similar post like this, and now it's repeating after about 9 months.

"Kevin, you're darn foolish... He chose mahjong over you".

Time Allocation

Today I signed up for voluntary work. Partly it's because I feel like doing something meaningful (which I've been wanting to since a year ago). Partly it's because of JD.

I used to allocate loads of my time for him, so that I could work around his busy schedule and that would mean we likely have more time together. Then as time passed, it got abused. He took the move as a right rather than a privilege. In the end, the one getting hurt is myself. So now most of my time shall go to voluntary work, piano classes, family, friends, CO and OTs.